Spencer Reid VS The Suburban
by United Profilers
Summary: During the events of "The Instincts", Reid must go and meet the team. As if having to drive himself wasn't bad enough, the large black SUV decides to make the ride less than pleasant for him!


**I do not own Criminal Minds.**

**Language Advisory = Minor Amount.**

Supervisory Special Agent Dr. Spencer Reid hurried out the door of the facility he hoped he would never end up in; The Sanitarium where he had sent his mother to. Although living with Diana wouldn't be bad, the circumstances would. He had received a call from JJ about the address of the house where the rest of the team were. His determination to save that young boy overran his nervousness. Unfortunately, the butterflies in his stomach became fresh once more when he laid eyes on what he half considered a nemesis of sorts.

The black 2007 Chevrolet Suburban 1500 sat there innocently, looking like every other vehicle in the parking lot, but Reid knew differently. He froze for a moment and glared daggers at the large SUV as if it were some person he disliked.

He never liked driving, he was uncomfortable doing so. He knew the basics but lacked skill. He remembered his neighbor allowing him to borrow their blue Volvo so he could go to Gideon's cabin, but only because he didn't want to drag somebody else with him in case he was worrying over nothing. When going to work, he took public transportation or walked. On cases, it was usually somebody else on the team who drove these beastly vehicles, but they were all at the house, probably waiting for him.

Knowing he needed to get going, the young profiler made his way to the door and retrieved the key to unlock it. After turning the key and pulling it back out, Reid grabbed the handle and pulled, but the door didn't open. He gave another pull and cried out in frustration. He took out the key once more and inserted it into the key hole. The door finally opened and he hopped into the driver's seat, he slammed the door shut, causing the sun visor to somehow detach itself from the ceiling and fall on the dashboard.

"Piece of junk." Reid muttered as he carelessly tossed the offending object at the passenger's seat. This was a government vehicle, surely they would make sure it was within standard condition. Spencer sighed as he pulled on his seat belt, but it got stuck halfway. Exhaling, he let the thing roll itself back up before pulling it out again and fastening it. He started the engine and decided it was awfully hot. He turned on the air conditioning and put the Suburban in reverse.

Ignoring the fact that the steering wheel made his arms look even skinnier, he gently pushed down on the pedal and inched the large SUV out of the parking space. A nearby car waited for his spot, it honked impatiently at him. Reid, feeling obligated to not keep the car waiting, pressed further on the pedal, a little faster than he expected.

He barely had time to slam on the brakes before he drove over the curb and into the building. The car payed no heed to his near misfortune and eagerly slipped into the parking spot.

Spencer managed to get over his shock and put the vehicle in drive. He slowly made his way out of the parking lot, hoping the Suburban was through toying with him. He sat at the entrance, waiting for a chance to get on the road.

When he was clear, he pulled out and drove. He noticed heavy traffic ahead and was planning to use the siren so he could hopefully get through it sooner.

Shamefully, he didn't know which button turned it on.

He wasn't sure if he should just start pushing random buttons until he got the siren on, he was also afraid of what the outcome would be. Considering all the unknown gadgets that were there, for all he knew, one of them probably makes the car explode or sprout wings.

In his mind, he knew that was unlikely, but that didn't make him any less reluctant. He bit his lip nervously and pushed one of the many buttons. A whirring sound followed by a _click _was heard. Spencer looked in the rear view mirror and at first thought part of the ceiling came open. When he looked again, he could tell that it was a DVD player.

_Why on Earth would they put a DVD player in here?_ Reid thought. He pushed the button again, intending to close it, but instead of that, the front passenger window opened.

Spencer raised an eyebrow. _I thought _that _was the button that..._ He pushed the button again, the window rolled up halfway. He sighed when he stopped at a red light. Taking advantage of the moment, he pressed a different button. He heard what sounded like one of the turn signals was activated. He looked and saw that he had turned on the emergency flashers. A slight growl of frustration, he pushed the button on top, the windshield wipers started to run.

The light turned green and he was forced to continue driving. He dared himself to try yet another button, the passenger seat suddenly laid itself back. Reid could feel his face turn into a scowl. He used his eidetic memory to recall the first button he tried and pushed it. The rear windshield wiper began to squeak across the dry window.

He muttered under his breath. _Thank God Morgan isn't here._

Traffic had yet to thin out and he was desperate to get some speed, but he refused to do that without the siren. He wearily pushed a button off to the side, the air conditioning came on full blast, making a lot of noise but effectively cooling down the SUV in the process.

Spencer arrived at another red light and in anger, smacked his head on the steering wheel, causing the horn to beep. He just wanted to get the siren on, but he was scared of what else might happen if he pushed anymore buttons.

He figured he had nothing to lose if he went ahead and tried more after realizing what could be lost if he didn't get that damn siren going. He haphazardly pushed button after button. Once he gave up, all the windows were down, the air conditioning was still going, the window wipers were still running, as were the emergency flashers, the DVD player was still open, the sun visor still sat on the passenger seat, which was still laid back, the radio blared Enrique Iglesias "I Like It", the rear view mirror was facing the other way, and somehow, he got the vehicle into four wheel drive.

He almost felt like he could cry.

Reid glanced at a street sign and saw he was getting closer. _Thank Goodness._ The road was still crowded as ever and he wasn't going to bother with the stupid siren anymore. He was near ecstatic when he saw the street he needed to turn into approaching and was more than glad to get away from the strange looks pedestrians and other motorists were sending him.

He came to the stop sign and was eager to make the turn when a pickup truck towing a horse trailer pulled in front of him, going down the same street that he needed to be on. His jaw dropped.

With a groan, he gripped the steering wheel and hesitantly turned down the street and was going 15 miles under the speed limit according to the sign. Well, _he _wasn't going slow, it was that jackass with the horse trailer. He tried to look through the trailer's windows and saw nothing inside. He attempted to pass the driver in front of him, but every time, there was another vehicle coming down the other lane, forcing him to follow the lumbering truck and trailer.

He decided to play with the buttons once more. The first one he pushed, everything in and out of the large SUV had been restored to their original state, except for the sun visor, still on the other seat. He scoffed and continued his driving. After what felt like forever, he saw a dirt road and the address JJ gave him next to it. Just as he turned down the driveway, the horse trailer he had been stuck behind turned down another road in the opposite direction.

"Of course, _now _it turns." Reid grumbled as he sped down the bumpy road. "I swear I am never driving again."

He parked next to the other vehicle and got out, readying his weapon. As he neared the house, he briefly heard the team talking indistinctly on the other side.

After he disappeared inside, the lights to the siren suddenly turned on.

**The End!**


End file.
